Dating In Your 40s

 Trying to date or find a partner in your 40s. I can think of one word to describe it. Nauseating. Things just are not the same as they were when you were in your teenage years, or 20s. The carefree feeling of going out for the third time that week. No big deal. You're just having fun, hanging out, making new friends, and loving your interest. Learning, experimenting, experiencing. Going out now is like, what am I even going to talk about, what will hold everything in place, do I need to color my roots, I have too much baggage to be doing this, I like my life as it is, and O.M.G., what if he tries to have sex with me? The thoughts are never-ending and don't do much to boost self-confidence. Most of this comes from previous relationships we have had that have failed. Can we even do this again? Do we really want to? If we do, how the hell are we supposed to do it now?

Are we looking for love or just companionship? Some of us could just need a buddy. You know the "F" buddy. A late-night lover that doesn't see the sun come up. Not at your house anyway. The worries start to build into an endless stream of negative thoughts to where it seems easier to remain alone and forget about trying.

For those coming out of a relationship that you were in for years, perhaps since your teens. It can be fucking scary. You try not to bring all the criticism with you. Negative talk to yourself is almost a given, but we all try to fight it.

So, what are a few tips that can make dating after 40 a little easier? Let's face it if you have been in a relationship and you are suffering from the loss of it. Facing a broken heart, and all the ice cream-eating side effects that come with it. Then you know a rebound guy is a cure for that one. I am a firm believer in this. This does not mean you have to sleep with them. That is not the definition of rebound. This is when you let another man keep you busy, and show you attention to keep your mind off the broken heart. You go into this with the intention of using them for just that. You are not looking to build another relationship, or have anything serious. These are fantastic relationships if you ask me. There are never any expectations. That is a good feeling.

• Keep trying new things
• Know that 40 is the perfect age to find true love.
• Don't get stuck on what you think you want. Try new things.
• Don't date anyone who reminds you of your ex
• Be patient when you're done. Be patient.

Bela Ghandi from the Smart Dating Academy says that women over forty like to have an Amazon Prime mentality. You like to check boxes and wait for your order. So be patient when it comes to dating and finding love.

I absolutely love the advice from Relationship expert Dr. Julianna Morris says love connections at a later age are more meaningful. So if you think you are missing the right man because your smile lines are deep. You need to remember if you were 10 years younger you would not be who you are right now. When we own where we are in our life. We are more likely to be who we are and be confident. We are much more likely to find someone suitable for us. Dating someone who we know very soon is not for us is not what we want to continue to do. The bad matchmaking days are done. We are a little more mature, know what we want, and have the confidence to go get it.

Most people are dealing with baggage or struggling with something in their life. Let's be more adult and call "baggage" "life experience," says Erika Ettin, dating coach, and author of Love at First Sight.

Lane Moore, author of How to Be Alone says it can be tempting to date someone who looks like or reminds us of our ex, even if it is familiar. If it does not work once, it will not work again. If you are getting out of a relationship. Find time to heal, Lane says. See a therapist, or do some soul-searching. That way you don't date a person that is similar to the one that was unhealthy for you.

Pick a few dating apps to get yourself on. The ones that seem more suitable for you whether it is Plenty Of Fish or Farmer's only. Be sure you start out and set the tone with honesty. Be honest when you make your profile. Be honest about your height, weight, and all the little things about you. Because you are awesome just the way you are.

One of the good things about dating, when you're 40, is that you usually know right away if you are into the guy. So kiss on the first date if you are feeling it. Why not? You can use the fact that you are 40 and more mature to your advantage instead of seeing it as a roadblock. The only roadblock that will come into play will be your own negativity. I know the stakes seem higher. Look for more of the "life experience" in the situation. Take it one step at a time, and know that we are most powerful in the present. Good luck on your dating venture, and may you all find love.