For Women In Toxic Relationships

You may have heard the term "gaslighting" before now, but most women have not heard of the word until they are face-to-face with a gaslighter being manipulated, and made to believe a host of lies. This is the most inhumane form of abuse on women and it happens more than I like to think. Because it is so covert and sneaky it will sneak up on you, and will not even know what has happened until you are all alone and questioning your sanity.

Most people do not even know this sort of psychological trickery exists. Why would they? It is not something that comes up in everyday conversation, and the woman who has fallen victim to it or survived it does not make it front-page news. If anything they feel to blame or embarrassment keeps them from sharing their story. Their gaslighter will do their job and have you thinking you are dumb to let this happen, or that it is your fault and you deserve this. So, of course, you don't speak about it.

To me, this is just such a sick and twisted form of abuse. Men grasp for power any way they can get it, even if it be by tricking the person they claimed to love. It happens so much behind closed doors, and women have no idea what is happening. They of course believe the fault lies

with them. They trust their partner. Never expect him to be lying, and manipulating them the whole time to make them out to be crazy and incompetent.

A man would have to feel pretty weak and inferior to a woman to find this as his only hope of a relationship, or being able to have control in the relationship. It is pathetic that the woman gives him her trust and love, and in turn, she gets lies, fooled, tricked, and driven into a straightjacket..

"You stabbed me a thousand times, and then you acted like the one bleeding."

When you are a victim of a gaslighter you feel dysfunctional, or wrong and start to see yourself as untrustworthy. The gaslighter will chip away at you for weeks to years filling you with self-doubt and confusion. I am a victim of self-doubt already. I do not need the person who is supposed to love me and also tell me that I have no worth. We believe them. We think their thoughts of us are the holy grail. We give them so much power. Then we question ourselves, not them. We still let them have all of the power. What are they even trying to get from us? We give it away because that is how we know to love.

I have been in a relationship where I would constantly call the guy out on having these personality traits. I would do it at different times, never all at once because now I see gaslighter written all over his face. When I was getting the red flags this whole time. The list of tactics a gaslighter uses was brought to my attention by him one by one, but every one of these flags was an issue I faced with him. Deep down I knew I was not dealing with a normal person. That there was some sort of behavior disorder, or depression, or personality disorder going on. I just did not know enough about it to put my finger all the way on it.

The Tactics Used By A Gaslighter

• Denial
• Distraction-Interrupting the victim to change the subject, or throw them off.
• Ignorance/avoidance- Refuses to engage in conversation.
• Minimize/trivial-Makes light of things they do, to joke them off.
• Projection-Accuses the victim of the same behavior they engage in.
• Put-downs-Insults or degrades victims to feel better about themselves and make the victim feel worse.
• Sabatoge-Makes things difficult for the victim so they seem incapable.
• Threats-Threaten victim with a negative outcome.

How To Defend Yourself

• Keep a journal or record of your reality.
• Recall events from your perspective
• Trust Yourself
• Talk to people you trust
• Leave the gaslighter

What the Victim Feels Like

• They feel as if they are going crazy
• Question themself
• Feel confused, or unhappy
• Doubt themselves-cannot make decisions
• Low self-esteem-no validation

Know that you do not have to leave yourself completely defenseless. After spending so much time around this manipulator you start to find yourself stronger and trust yourself a bit more. Yet, catch them trying to manipulate you. What do you do then? Well here are 12 things that a manipulator hates. This will bring a much-needed smile to your face, but the advice you need is to leave and get as far away from them as you can. They will not change. They don't love you, and you will only find a life of suffering if you do not end the abuse. There are women and groups all over that will help and support you if you are in this situation. Reach out to other women who have been there before. There is power in numbers, and they will give you strength, and help you find a way to a new life.

• Don't acknowledge them. Ignoring them since they think they are some sort of rare snowflake, you treat them as if they don't exist.
• Speak factually. If you are not emotional and base your information on facts they have nothing to use against you. It makes them unhappy when they cannot use your emotions against you.
• Authority. They don't like to be told what to do.
• Being told no. 
• Losing.
• Leaving. 

Of course, the one they despise is you. Because it ultimately tells them they are a loser. The best advice you will get about dealing with a narc or gaslighter. Leave, and don't look back.

If you or someone you know needs help or someone to talk to about the abuse you have endured at the hands of a narcissist or gaslighter.  Contact Healing from Narcissistic Abuse for Women at  (323) 310-1892

Group Meets

Every Tuesday
5:30pm - 6:45pm

Group Details

Age: Adults

Session Cost:

$60       Email Jennifer Jenkins about this group or call - (323) 310-1892

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