Don't Fight Your Feelings

 I once heard a joke about an old man who was walking down the street home in the early morning hours when he runs into another man, who is obviously very drunk, on his hands and knees, searching for something. "What are you looking for?" He asked the drunk man. "My house keys." The drunk replied. "Where did you drop them?" "Two streets down." he slurred. "Why are you not looking there?" "Because the light is better over here."😆

During my research on emotional intelligence, I was thinking about I was unsure of myself in lots of ways. Even though I read a ton on the subject and give my best advice on what I have learned does not mean that I don't suffer from these afflictions just like the next guy. 

I started to apply some of the NLP techniques I was l learning to myself. NLP is known as dark psychology for those who do not know. But is the practice of training our sub-conscience mind to look at the world in a more positive way. It baffles me why people call it dark psychology like it is something bad. I guess the thought of manipulating our thoughts scares some people. If it is used in a positive way there is really nothing, but positive results.

None of the techniques I tried seemed to help, and I still got butterflies and lacked real self-confidence at times. Then I would worry it showed and I really started to fumble all over myself. The fact that I would get nervous when I was doing something that I truly wanted to do for fear of messing up or doing it wrong gave me anxiety. So now not only do I not have confidence, I have caused myself anxiety from the lack thereof.

One day I told myself to just experience the moment. To quit fighting every single emotion that came over me and just experience what it was, to just be in the moment and feel it. To my surprise, the lack of self-confidence disappeared. I couldn't believe it did I just find a way around the lack of self-confidence and anxiety by just giving it to it?

All I had to do was feel it? To acknowledge it for what it was and it would stop? I wonder if this will work for others too. I have only had two people come to me suffering from the same fear of confidence that leads to other emotions. I asked both of them to heighten their awareness of their own map of the world and experience this for all that it was. So far this has worked. That does not mean it is a cure, but it definitely can help. It really does not hurt to try.

One of the presuppositions of NLP is "meet people at their map of the world." This is a process of seeing things from their point of view. Being aware of their experience the way they experienced it. It is a deeper discussion than what we are getting into now.

I was satisfied with asking others to try this when they came to me with the same problem. This brings me solid proof that it not only worked for me but for them as well. That is when I realized I was not meeting myself at my map of the world.

Whenever I felt that I did not like I would struggle, and resist them. You know the old saying "when you fight with yourself, someone loses." So I had finally decided to stop fighting and resisting my own feelings and emotions. Instead, I was feeling them, and meeting myself at my map of the world. I had taught myself to experience things that I was actually experiencing.

So, where am I going with all of this? If there is a feeling that you find unpleasant or that seems unhelpful. Or one that you just don't like. The first thing you need to do is map out the feeling. This is just a process of identifying where in your body that feeling is really coming from. Now, think about its size of it, and how it moves. Mine was like butterflies in my stomach. The more I resisted it would move to my chest making it hard to breathe. You need to really be aware of the feeling.

While most people profess to know what they are feeling, you would be amazed at how many people have never gotten acquainted with the physical characteristics of the emotions they are experiencing. They just let them happen passively without really getting an awareness of them.

Our emotions are physical and chemicals and all sorts of other things. So the first thing to do is map that out physically.

Then accept the feeling. Become ok with the fact that you are feeling it. Of course, many of you will struggle with this when trying. Don't tell yourself that "you shouldn't feel this," or "don't want to feel it." Some of you will try to talk yourself out of it.

So here is the thing: You are feeling it and you want to change the outcome is left on you , then the first thing you have to do is map it out and actually feel the emotion. Accept the presenting feeling that you are having. If you refuse to do this, then you are just resisting it or fighting it. Then any attempt you have to change it will involve starting from where you are not and that does not work. Like our drunk man looking for his keys on the wrong street.

Once you are able to do both of these things then you can find the positive intent. What your body or your unconscience is trying to tell you. Sometimes our feeling has a message for us. Other times they are just sensations that our body has some purpose for feeling. What is this feeling trying to do for you or tell you?

Then just feel it. Just be sure not to struggle or fight. Fell it, and remember to breath. Let me know how this works out for you. If you are able to overcome things like self-confidence issues or anxiety. It might take a couple tries but once you quit fighting it, and feel it. You will begin to accept it for all that it is meant to do.